This is the first “true” post! The other one is a test of the scrippets plugin, which means this is a real post 😀
I wanted to post something in an original setting for this post, which was hard because I hadn’t been working on any.
Also, wow, that featured image is huge! Looks like I need to resize things a lot.
Imagine my surprise when I found that all of my scripts were fan works! Which isn’t bad, I really like working in existing universes, especially when learning a new writing medium. Maybe I’ll do a post on all the different stories I’ve got right now.
First Drafts tho
First drafts are hard to look at. I’m don’t think I’m at the point where I can just type something and have it be mostly good (except blog posts, apparently). There’s so much to consider:
- Does it even make sense?
- Is the pacing okay?
- Are the characters “in character”?
- Should this even be happening?
- Is the formatting how I want it?
And of course, you know that it could be way better with another pass or two. So it’s a question of whether or not I want to post now or later, and there’s a risk of never posting, cause there’s always something to improve or change.
So I guess I’m treating this like a video game open beta. Outsourcing focus group testing and proofreading. I mean, I haven’t even named the characters yet 🙁
There are colors now
Now you can see how good I am at color theory.
Hunters on the Frontier
So, the script itself. This world was created a while back for a webcomic I wanted to make (I have a few of these that went nowhere). It was pretty hard to make things work in the new format – especially because I can’t have thought bubbles to spell out what the characters are thinking.
Anyhow, I don’t have a fancy cool name for this world, so I’m just going to call it what it is. It’s not as fleshed out as I would want, which is where actually writing things comes in. Sometimes you don’t know what questions need to be answered until you’re right in there.
Right now, I don’t know about what kind of names I want; how realistic the combat should be; how futuristic the technology should be; that kind of stuff. And I really want to talk about the world, but this script is supposed to be the introduction to it, so I want to know how well it does that. So, check it out and I guess I’ll do a followup post or something.
Also, Kit Scenarist exported the comments I make to myself into the actual script, I went through to remove them, but if you see anything in brackets, I guess I missed it.
Title: Hunters on the Frontier
# PROLOGUE
= The attention grabbing intro, where the two main characters are fighting a dinosaur.
EXT. DEEP FOREST – DAY #1#
A thick forest, almost a jungle, stretches as far as eye can see. Green vines and colorful flowers are scattered about, it’s all very picturesque. Calmly walking through the forest is a large MONSTER – it resembles a t-rex – with sharp, angled features.
POP! From somewhere in the trees, a gunshot rings out! The bullet PINGS off the monster’s scales, scarcely leaving a scratch. It looks in the direction the bullet came from, confused. It doesn’t notice the blue holographic targeting square floating above the bullet’s impact point...
FOOM! This time, it’s a rocket! It homes in on the targeting square and EXPLODES against the monster cracking the scales.
The monster ROARS and charges into the forest...
Two figures dash out of the way. One wields a rugged looking assault rifle. The other has a long rifle and a sword. Both have a disposable rocket launcher across their backs.
GAL
Split up!
The two sprint in opposite directions, the monster chases Gal.
GAL
(resigned)
Of course.
It’s a race – Gal leaping over bushes and around trees, the monster crashing through them – but the monster is much larger and is hindered by the forest less. It catches up steadily...
GUY
Break left!
It leaps! Gal dives out of the way, but the impact knocks her down... The monster goes to stomp on her with a jagged, clawed foot. Gal gets her falchion out in time, barely keeping the claws from sinking into her.
The monster rears its huge head back and goes in for the finishing blow!
EXT. TOWN SQUARE – DAY #2#
A busy trade town, its square full of N.D. Frontier people out on business. Near a government looking building stands a holographic job board.
Looking at the job board is the GUY from before, he is a Mon in his mid-twenties, has sharp and angled features, with long? pointed elf ears. He’s got the airs of a salesman, overly friendly and silver tongued, and the optimism to match.
The board is full of requests to kill monsters or for exotic materials (which come from the monsters), their targets and rewards displayed large. Guy selects one with the largest payout, holding his phone-analogue up to it.
It reads ‘DESTROY T-REX. 80,000 money. Trexmon too close to village and must be driven off or destroyed.’
MONTAGE – It’s a big monster, and Guy needs a team.
– A stereotypical ranger looking man. Guy shows him the paper.
GUY
I’m putting together a team to take down this monster.
RANGER
I’m already on a mission, sorry.
– A group decked out in military gear.
COMMANDER
That’s not our usual op.
– A man in a long trench coat.
TRENCHCOAT
If you get a team together, I’m game.
– A woman with the same sharp features and elf ears as Guy.
GUNNER
Too hard to kill, not worth it.
– A hunter with a face mask and a wicked looking gun.
MASK
No.
– A jaded looking GAL, surprised Guy would talk to her. She is humn, approximately 20, and is decked out in weapons – a sheathed falchion, a long EMR, a sidearm. She has a haunted look to her, and trusts no one, not even herself.
GAL
(rubbing amulet/pendant worn under her shirt)
I suppose.
– A woman with a heavy machine gun and rocket launcher.
HEAVY
You’d need a big team, and that’d dilute the reward too much.
– A man with a bandoleer holding many kinds of ammo.
AMMO
If I don’t find anything better. Where should I meet you?
GUY
I’ll have a table at the Second Flight Inn. Be there by 6:00.
INT. SECOND FLIGHT INN – COMMON ROOM #3#
The common room of the inn is simply decorated and half full. Guy, Gal, and Trenchcoat are sitting at a table, with snacks and the job paper on it. It is 6:30. Gal is bored and Trenchcoat is impatient.
TRENCHCOAT
Are you sure anyone else is coming?
GUY
A few people agreed to be here.
Impatient beat.
TRENCHCOAT
It’s been thirty minutes. Sorry, but there’s no way you’ll pull it off with less than five.
He stands up and leaves.
GUY
When I find more people, will you still be available?
Trenchcoat doesn’t look back, instead waving a negative.
Gal awkwardly pushes her chair back and stands...
GUY
Wait. It might be possible to do it with just the two of us.
Gal pauses, unsure.
GAL
You don’t want to tie it down?
GUY
Not with just two of us. If we buy heavy weapons to crack the armor, though, we can hurt it from there.
(off Gal)
I have some money saved up. I’ll pay for it out of my cut, don’t worry.
GAL
How will you hit it in the same spot enough to kill it?
Guy smiles, takes one of the snacks, and flicks it against a cup. The blue holo-targeting box appears.
He holds out a snack for Gal and turns the cup around.
GUY
Try hitting where I did.
Suspicious, Gal looks at the snack and finds a series of holo targeting UI (boxes and lines mostly) that shows where she should aim to hit the marked point.
She tosses the snack, and despite the halfheartedness of the toss, it’s still on target. However, she isn’t sold.
GUY
How about an even split. That’s a huge payout-
(desperately spitballing)
A years tuition at a hunter school? The down payment for a condo? Forge a custom gun?
(salesman smile)
You could say you took down a T-Rex with only one other person.
Gal is still standing, rubbing her pendant. She doesn’t trust he’ll keep his word, and while the money would be very useful, it’s not a big motivation for her. But she has a feeling that she should do this.
She slowly sits back down.
GUY
You won’t regret it. Now, I was thinking two or three disposable rockets. I’ll have them by tomorrow.
EXT. FOREST ROAD – MORNING #4#
Early the next morning, Guy and Gal are riding in the back of a rugged pickup truck trundling down a worn road, the town fading away behind it. Gal is sitting as far away as possible from Guy.
Guy has three disposable rocket launchers, scarcely better than tubes with triggers.
GAL
Do you think three rockets will be enough?
GUY
This model should penetrate three inches of scale. Two shots to get through, then one for the kill.
(Gal shrugs)
Managed to get all three for just under ten thousand money.
He holds one out to Gal, who takes it and retreats back to her corner.
The truck trundles along.
GUY
So... What are you going to do with the money?
Gal shrugs.
GUY
I’ve been saving up to start a hunter’s lodge. I’m getting close, and this mission will jump me halfway to what I need.
Guy is smiling, excited that he is getting close to his goal, and doesn’t see Gal looking at him with heavy suspicion.
Guy continues talking about his hunter’s lodge.
EXT. DEEP FOREST – DAY #5#
The same forest as before, slightly before the events of the prologue. Guy and Gal are in cover, watching the Trexmon forage in brush.
GUY
You ready for this?
GAL
(indifferent)
...yeah.
Gal readies the rocket launcher as Guy takes aim with this rifle.
He SHOOTS. The holo targeting UI appears on the rocket and Gal FIRES...
The Trexmon ROARS and the two hear it stomping at them.
GAL
Move!
They break cover, but the Trexmon is gaining...
GAL
Split up!
Gal goes left, Guy goes right; the Trexmon follows Gal.
GAL
Of course.
As the prologue, the Trexmon leaps, knocking Gal to the ground. It pins her with its claws and goes to bite her.
She sees it coming and accepts it with annoyed indifference...
Guy has a rocket launcher out and lined up with the holo-target, but he can see that Gal is in trouble – hitting the torso won’t keep it from biting into Gal...
He hesitates for a moment, then shifts and FIRES!
BOOM! A rocket impacts right on its jaw and it staggers to the side, freeing Gal (some of the shrapnel impacts on Gal’s energy shielding).
Gal is shocked that Guy would do this – saving her means he can’t buy the lodge – but she is quickly on her feet and running again.
GAL
You’ve only got one shot left!
Guy has already readied the last rocket, but he doesn’t have an angle...
GUY
I’ll make it count! Just need a line!
The Trexmon has recovered now, so Gal draws its attention with a burst of pistol fire...
She flees into a thick cluster of trees that the Trexmon has trouble crashing through...
That’s just what Guy needs! The last rocket slams right on target and we can see that there is now a jagged hole in the Trexmon’s scale armor.
GUY
We’re through!
Now the Trexmon is hurt and ROARS as it charges Guy’s position.
He has dropped the empty launcher and is aiming his rifle, but the holo-ui shows he doesn’t have a shot. He SHOOTS anyway...
Then runs as the Trexmon crashes in.
GAL
Bring it this way!
She is weaving through trees, trying to get into a good position...
Guy changes direction, scrambling under a claw...
The Trexmon follows...
Gal has a good angle, and can see Guy and the Trexmon moving. She sets her rifle, steadying her breath. The Holo-ui shows she’s on target.
She FIRES!
The Trexmon ROARS in pain, turning to hide its exposed area...
But Guy has doubled back and opens fire himself!
He dodges desperate swings, trying to keep a line to the weak spot, and now Gal’s rifle shots are hitting it as well.
It takes a lot of ammo, but the Trexmon’s defensive maneuvering slows, and it finally collapses.
The two hunters carefully approach, making sure it is dead. They are catching their breath.
GUY
Wow! Yes! I knew it would work.
(to Gal)
You want to document?
Gal shrugs and takes out a phone-equivalent and starts taking pictures.
Guy has a small device that he stabs into the exposed flesh of the Trexmon.
He removes it when Gal signals she is finished, and the two stand back, waiting for something.
GAL
(unsure mumbling)
Uh... Thanks, for wasting that rocket on me.
GUY
What? Oh, I couldn’t think of any other way to get it off you.
GAL
I wasn’t sure...
(beat)
The guns could hurt it.
GUY
Well, ammo is cheap. Shoot anything enough and it’s bound to fall eventually.
The fallen Trexmon starts to turn to magical dust, releasing dark particles that catch the wind before disappearing. This continues until the monster is gone, save for a large chunk of copper.
GUY
Might get a little out of this.
He picks it up, and the two wearily leave the area.
EXT. FOREST ROAD – DAY #6#
Guy and Gal are walking down a dirt road. A truck approaches and Guy sticks out a thumb. It slows down and after a few words, the two get into the back and it drives off.
If Guy notices how Gal is acting, now unsure instead of indifferent, he doesn’t say anything.
By evening, they return to the Trade town.
INT. SECOND FLIGHT INN – NIGHT #7#
Gal waits at a table, playing with her pendant. She had let Guy turn in the task himself, and doesn’t believe he will return with her cut. However, she feels the need to stay.
She is surprised, but hides it, as Guy enters and takes a seat across from her.
GUY
I managed to talk ’em up a bit, got us an extra 25 hundred.
Gal nods. She expects that to be how much she’ll get.
Guy slides over a green card, reminiscent of a credit card.
GUY
Good working with you.
She takes it without looking, and quickly gets up to leave.
GUY
Happy hunting.
HALLWAY
Alone in the hallway, Gal turns over the card. It is titled ‘Colonel Credit’, has a few recessed buttons and an electronic readout.
She gasps. The card reads 41250, the exact amount agreed upon.
She is in conflict with herself. She wants to leave with the money, but doesn’t believe she deserves that much, especially not after Guy saved her life. She doesn’t know what to do with it – it’s the most she’s ever had – and she didn’t expect that he would follow through with the agreement.
She touches her pendant, steels herself, and turns around.
COMMON ROOM
Guy is still at the table, looking at a laptop-equivalent. He looks up as Gal approaches.
GUY
Is something wrong?
GAL
(nervous)
You... Paid in full.
GUY
(confused)
Yes?
GAL
You could have had it all if you let me die.
GUY
I suppose, but that wouldn’t...
GAL
You said you needed this much to buy a lodge.
GUY
(somewhat offended)
I can keep working though! We had an agreement.
She puts the card on the table.
GAL
(reluctant)
I can’t take it.
Guy doesn’t take the card.
GUY
(surprised)
I’m flattered, but we had an agreement. Keep it. It’s yours.
GAL
(shaking head)
I don’t... deserve it.
GUY
You-
He thinks. Gal is right – the money would allow him to buy the property for a Hunter’s Lodge right away, saving him a year[[Assuming his yearly “profit” is around 15000. He takes all the high paying ones, I guess. ]] or two. But he had made that agreement, and he doesn’t want to be given the money as much as Gal doesn’t think she deserves to keep it.
GUY
What if...
(Gal is back to suspicious)
I want to start a Hunter’s Lodge. If you were to put your money in, I’d be able to open it. With the amount you have here, you would have... Say, a thirty percent stake.
GAL
What?
GUY
Give me that money, and you’ll own thirty percent of the lodge.
Gal doesn’t know what to think about that.
GAL
I don’t... You- I-
(deep breath)
As long as you’ll take it.
GUY
You’re in?
GAL
Yes?
GUY
Great! You won’t regret it!
He stands up and extends a hand to Gal.
GUY (CONT’D)
Now, business partner or investor?
GAL
Uh...
She doesn’t know the difference, so she touches her pendant and picks.
GAL (CONT’D)
Business partner?
GUY
All right! Welcome to the team!
Gal wearily takes his hand, shaking it.
GUY
Sit down, and I’ll show you the places I’ve been looking at.
She is confused, but sits anyway.
GUY
I was thinking of an established frontier town, with all the amenities, but close to the wilds. Actually, with your extra money, there might be a larger building available.
> FADE OUT
I want to talk about the writing of the script, but this post is kinda long enough already. For now, do you think this is an adequate intro to the world? I went with a in media res into flashback, but does that work? Hmmmmm…